When Performance and Emotion Speak Different Languages

And what it reveals about how we cope as high performers

One of the most fascinating things about coaching internationals is witnessing how language influences how we express ourselves, not just what we say, but what we feel and allow ourselves to feel.

Recently, during a session with a multilingual professional, I noticed a subtle but meaningful shift. The client, a UEX designer fluent in five languages, started in Spanish, but midway through the session switched to English. And something in the tone changed.

As a coach, that’s a cue. Because language isn’t just a tool for communication, it’s where our emotional memory, cultural identity, and professional self-image meet. And sometimes, it’s where they split. To make it more practical, our personality is different in every language.

In this case, one language offered emotional connection and vulnerability. The other offered clarity, structure, and performance. Both were fluent, but they lived in different parts of his life. They are stored in different parts of his brain.

And this is what I find interesting (makes my job enjoyable, I love human puzzles!):
That split created a tension, a kind of emotional mismatch between where he wanted to go (what inspired him deeply) and where he knew how to go (what he was trained and rewarded to do).

This is the thing, oftentimes we think we can not bring our passion into our day job.

This is incredibly common for high-performing internationals.

You’ve built a life where multiple languages, roles, and expectations are constantly at play. But it can also mean that parts of yourself: your intuition, your emotions, your purpose, don’t always get a seat in your journey.

In our session, we paused.
We explored why this language shift was happening, and what belief has control beneath it.
The moment we identified the gap, something shifted.

He saw that his emotional truth didn’t have to live separately from his professional competence.
And from there, he felt more relieved, aligned, and more confident to believe that there is no need to compromise in his search for his next professional step.

That’s the power of being mindful of what is happening in the moment, not just what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it, and in which language.

How to Spot When You’re Coping, Not Leading

If you’re like most of the high-performing professionals I work with, your coping mechanisms are highly refined. They’re often invisible, even to you, because they’ve helped you perform, lead, and deliver under pressure. But they can also distance you from what truly matters, the impact you want to create in your field.

Here are a few signs that you might be slipping into a coping mechanism without realizing it:

• You suddenly switch languages or change the subject
• You get mentally foggy or confused during an important conversation
• You physically check out: crossing your arms, holding your breath, coughing, eyes closing
• You interrupt or joke to shift away from something uncomfortable
• You intellectualize feelings instead of naming them

These micro-reactions are often your nervous system trying to shield you from a feeling that feels too vulnerable, too deep, or too “inconvenient” in a high-stakes moment.

But recognizing them — even just one — is already progress.

Try This Self-Check in the Moment

Next time you catch yourself avoiding or shifting away from a topic, take 10 seconds and ask yourself:

1. What am I trying to avoid right now?
2. Which emotion is underneath this moment?
3. What thought triggered that feeling?
4. Which belief might be sitting beneath that thought or emotion?
5. Can I name what I’m experiencing, even just to myself?

And if the moment feels right:
Can I name it out loud to someone I trust?

That’s how we move from automatic reactions to conscious leadership.
From performance to purpose.

If this resonates with your experience as an international or multilingual leader, or if you’re navigating your career between cultures, expectations, and identities, this happens to the best of us. Coaching can support you in integrating all these layers so you can lead with clarity, purpose, and more ease.

My name is Mymza Wever🧭 and I create a safe space where you can explore how to create balance in your career, mind & mission🧠💖

More readings:

How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence – Harvard Division of Continuing Education

Identifying and Overcoming Your Growth Barriers – eiexperience.com